I dunno

 I grew up watching TV, so of course I was expecting real life to be similar to an extent. Unfortunately for me I realized very quickly how that was not the case.

When watching old disney channel shows, nickelodeon shows, cartoon network, etc etc etc. I saw a lot of times when the characters would hang out with their friends in an specific place all the time, so naturally I was expecting my life to get to that point some day, I was a little child and the characters were in middle school so of course I thought "yeah, when I get to middlle school I will have that!". Where "that" meant a place where I would hang with my friends AND also friends to hang with since I didn't have any. When I got to middle school though things weren't that way, so I'd think "when I get to high school I will have that!". When I got to high school I'd think "When I get to college, I will have that..." 

And when I got to college stuff was finally like that!

Me and my friends would always hang at campus just chilling in between classes, skipping said classes and just having fun all around.

But after college everything disappeared, everyone went their own way with the exception of a few ones who stayed but everything else was gone, I was part of the reason why that happened, not gonna lie...

But was that really it? Was that the only time in my life when that idea would materialise? Was there no place else, no moment else, when and where I could spent time with my friends, the people who I consider really close to me?

It wasn't until many years later that I realised that those characters in those shows weren't just friends, they were more than that. They were a family, a chosen family, a motley crew of sorts. You know, blood is thicker than water, The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb. They were an actual family in their stories. And that's what I wanted.

Unfortunately for me, I came to understand that most people see family only as a connection with their bloodline and nothing more, you know, Blood is thicker than water... And nothing more.

So the people that I would somehow consider a family, will only ever see me as a "friend", where "friend"  means only a person you appreciate a lot, and that you might see from time to time, whereas their real family is the people they share blood with. They're their priority, you're an after thought.

I guess it is fine, being a friend in these description is being an important person... To an extent...

But honestly that's not what I consider a friend, at least not a an actual, real, friend. To me a friend is a family, someone you'd like to spend a lot of your time with, someone who would actually be with you in good and bad. And for me unfortunately, the only person who I can consider a friend already has a family, like children, even if not a wife, and you'd understand that in that case it's actually really hard to think you have nothing else but you're friends, at that point you already have responsibilities. You could renounce your parents, your siblings, the people around you, and more. But your child... That you cannot renounce.

Anyway I'm starting to ramble because of a lack of sleep so I'll leave. Bye.